Building Relationships. Practical Ideas to Implement in the Classroom.

It all goes back to relationships!

Relationships are the essential element in our schools. The old adage, “Kids don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care,” is true especially in today’s society when kids are used to so much choice in their world. Also, in today’s busy world, it’s important for teachers and school staff to make positive connections with students. We must be intentional and taking time with these relationships must be purposeful.

Members of the Compelled Tribe have teamed up to share practical ways for educators to build relationships with students. As connected educators we also embrace the notion that it is the power of the team that drives much of what we do. How do you build relationships with those that you serve? See the list below for ideas to add to what you may be already doing in the buildings and districts in which you work.

1. Greet students at the door. Smile and call them by name. Tell them you are glad to see them.
2. Ask your students to share three things about themselves. Let them choose what they share. Keep them on index cards to help make connections throughout the year.
3. Know your students families. As important as it is to know the students, make the connection to home. Great relationships with your kids starts where they kick off their day. As the year continues and both the good and bad arise, having that connection will be crucial to getting the results you are seeking.
4. Journal writing is an activity to get to know your students well and give students a voice in the classroom.
5. Make positive phone calls home especially within the first two weeks of the school year.
6. Genius Hour/Passion Projects really give teachers an opportunity to learn about student passions.
7. Have kids make something that represents them out of Play-dough and share.
8. In the first couple of days of school, learn the first name of every student in your first class of the day, and something personal and unique about them that has nothing to do with your first class of the day.
9. Be vulnerable!  Let your guard down and show your students that you are a learner, you make mistakes, and persevere.  They will see you as a person, opening the door for a relationship built on trust. Share stories about yourself as a learner or challenges you’ve faced when you were there age and help them see what it took to overcome it. It’s easy to forget how much a simple connection can make the difference.
10. Eat together.  Have breakfast with a small group of kids or join them at the lunch table.  Gathering around meal time provides an informal way to have conversations and get to know your students.
11. Hold Monday morning meetings (We call them “Weekend News Updates”).  Ask each student to share about their weekend - good or bad.  Ask questions.  Be sure to share about your weekend too!  Occasionally bring in breakfast or make hot chocolate.
12. Laugh with them. Frequently. Show them that school, and your class, is just not about learning stuff. It is about sharing an experience. Tell them you missed them if they were out.
13. Keep in touch with past students.  Show past students that you do not have a 1 year contract with them.  The ongoing relationship will also model to your current students the value of a positive classroom community.
14. At the elementary level -- hold morning meeting everyday as a class and stick to the routine of greeting, sharing, team building activity, and morning message.  This is a sacred time to build and maintain a culture of risk tasking and building relationships.
15. Send positive postcards home to every child. Have them address it on the first day of the quarter, keep them and challenge yourself to find at least one thing each quarter to celebrate about your students, let them and their parents know.
16. Find their interests and what motivates them! Sometimes it may take a bit to break down barriers and build trust, but through being genuine and authentic with them this will happen in no time.
17. Make personal phone calls to parents. Find one good thing to say about the children in your class.  It can be how they contributed to a class discussion or how well mannered they are in class or in the halls. For older students it can be how diligent a student is at learning challenging content.
18. Share something about yourself that they will find relevant or interesting to extend your relationships with students.
19. Tell a story from a time you were their age. This approach allows students to see teachers as they once were and make connections easier to establish and maintain.
20. Create a unique handshake or symbol for each of your students.  Use it when you greet them at the door or say goodbye.
21. Eat lunch with a group of kids throughout the week. They will enjoy a time dedicated just to them. (And you will enjoy a peaceful lunch!)
22. As a school, hold monthly celebrations to recognize students and educators their accomplishments.
23. Take pictures with students. Print. Write a special note on the back to the student.
24. At the end of a term or year, write a thank you to students telling them what you have learned from them. Be specific and honest - authenticity goes a long way. Try to make the note handwritten if possible, but email works well too.
25. Each day write two students a personal  note about something that you have noticed about them.  Go into some detail and be specific. Keep track of who you reach out to over the year and try and reach as many students as you can. The time you spend doing this will deepen connections and pay off 10 fold.
26. Have dance parties! It is so fun to let loose and get down with students. Students love seeing you have fun with them, and the saying goes, “The class that dances together, stays together”.
27. Play with students at recess or during a free time. Climb the monkey bars, play kickball, or tag. Students will never forget you connecting with them on the playground.
28. Hang out in the hall to give high fives or to have quick conversations with students. Relationship-building can be squeezed into any time of the day.
29. Notice students having a bad day. Ask questions without prying. Show that you care. Follow up the next day, week, etc.
30. When a student is having a rough day, ask if he/she has eaten. We are all more unreasonable when we are hungry. Keep a supply of snacks on hand (ex: breakfast bars, crackers, etc).
31. Go see students at their events: sports, theater, dance, volunteering. Meet parents and families.
32. When a student stops to say “Hello” and has a friend in tow, introduce yourself and be sure that the guest feels important.
33. Stop class from time to time with a comment such as, “Hey, everyone, Katie just asked me a great question. I think you’ll all benefit from this. Katie, could you repeat that for everyone?”
34. Sing “Happy Birthday” to students; send birthday emails (I use “Boomerang” to schedule my birthday emails each month).
35. Say “I missed you yesterday” when a student has been absent. Be sincere.
36. We have to make time to grow relationships with our students. This time can not always be in a planner or a calendar. Sometimes, this simply means just being there for your students.
37. Mail them a postcard for their birthday. They are always amazed to receive personal mail!
38. In a leadership position, learn as many names as you can. Greet students by their name as often as you are able.
39. Music! Bond with your students over music. Play soft classical music while they are working. Incorporate music/songs into special events or lessons.
40. Classroom: Start a compliment jar. Share comments at the end of class or randomly throughout the day. School: Do shout-outs during morning (or afternoon) announcements/news show.
41. Smile and make eye contact.  “Good morning”, “Good afternoon”.  Something as simple as a greeting in the hall with smile and eye contact conveys both warmth & safety.  Try it tomorrow.  
42. First day of math class have them choose 10 numbers that are significant to them (3 for number of cats, 1 for brothers, 20 for number of hours they work, etc.).  Everyone shares out.  You will learn lots about all your students in one day.  
43. Cut them some slack every now and then.  “What were you doing?  What should you have been doing?  Can you do that for me next time?”  We all make mistakes.  
44. Hold class celebrations and have students develop unique cheers for various accomplishments...these can be anything from a sports team victory, to being selected for something, to earning a grade, and they need not be school related.
45. Allen Mendler’s 2x10 strategy for challenging students. Spend 2 minutes per day for 10 consecutive days talking to a student about something not academic.
46. Share your own goals, successes/failures. Don’t be a mystery to your students.
47. After morning announcements have students participate in a daily discussion question.  Have a student read the question and set a timer for two and a half minutes.  Each person turns to a partner and answers the question then volunteers share with the whole class.  Each question, in some way, will help you get to know your students.
48. Halfway through the year, have your parents and students fill out a feedback form.  In my classroom, these forms look different.  Allow them to evaluate you so you can keep what works and change things that aren’t working.
49. In your summer introduction letter, include a letter asking parents to write about their children in 1,000,000 words or less.  Keep the assignment voluntary and open so they tell you what is most important to them.
50. Don’t be too busy to truly listen.  Listen to understand, not to respond.  Are you starting a lesson when a student interrupts and tells you they are moving?  Take the minute to hear them out.  That time will mean more to the student than the first minute of the lesson ever will.
51. When students get stuck in class, teach the other students to cheer them on.  We do a simple, “Come on, [Name], you can do it,” followed by three seconds of clapping.
52. Teach students call and responses to uplift each other.  When a student responds with something profound and someone loves it, that student gets to start the cheer.
53. When you check in with groups to give them feedback or see how it’s going, make sure you are seeing them eye-to-eye.  If they’re sitting, don’t stand.  Pull up a chair next to them.  If they’re sitting on the floor, sit down on the floor next to them to avoid standing over them.
54. Give honest feedback even when it may not be positive.  Your students will appreciate that you expect more out of them than they’re showing.
55. Create a “You Matter” wall.  Take fun pictures of each of your students.  Print each photo and put each student’s photo in an 8x10 frame.  Hang them all on your wall under a “You Matter” heading.  At the end of the year, send the photos home with students.
56. Tell them what was hard for you when you went through school and how you worked to overcome the challenges.  It shows they aren’t the only ones who struggle.
57. Defend your students in front of other people.
58. Take risks so students feel comfortable doing the same.  Don’t ask them to do anything you wouldn’t do.
59. Create something that is unique to your class.  For us, it’s a house competition.  It’s something that connects my past students and current students.  It’s also a family bond that only the students who have been in my class understand.
60. Apologize when you make a mistake.
61. Cook together and then you can eat family style in the classroom. Some fun and easy crockpot meals: applesauce, vegetable soup, chicken and dumplings. Then, make cupcakes for dessert!
62. Every so often, take the pulse of your building according to students. Convene a volunteer roundtable with student reps from various groups (athletes, scholars, quiet, loud) and ask them for critical feedback about topics you are working on. Some ideas I’ve seen discussed in this format include schoolwide incentives (assemblies, sledding event, etc.), dress code, and discussing recess options for winter.
63. During your informal walk throughs, saddle up right next to students and ask them the purpose of the lesson they are involved in. Why do you think the teacher is asking you to work on this? You’ll be more than surprised with the honest feedback.
64. Bring board games back! Add a few games like Checkers, Uno or Chess to your lunch table options. See if any students are willing to play a game or two with you and others.
65. Use sidewalk chalk to decorate the entry of your building with positive messages to students. Have teachers help you write and draw the notes!
66. Leave nice notes on post-its for students on the outside of their lockers. Recruit other students to help spread the kindness throughout many lockers!
67. Forgive them when they make mistakes. Remind them that mistakes are opportunities for learning. Don’t hold grudges against misbehavior and don’t allow other adults to hold them either.
68. Make time for dismissal. Tell them you can’t wait to see them tomorrow and share high fives on the way out!
69. Notice which students still don’t have money to pay for lunch. Help them out when you can. Treat them to a snack they don’t usually get to purchase at lunch time.
70. Find special projects that need to be done around school and recruit the most unlikely helpers.
71. Remind your students you and your staff were all kids once too. Have your team bring in pictures of themselves as children (at the ages you have in your school). Post them and have a contest allowing students to guess which teacher is which. Those 80s pictures are the most popular!
72. My favorite question to ask my students or any student I come in contact with is what are you into lately? This opens communication with your students and let's them know you are interested.
73. Allow students to do a job shadow. Give them a peek into what you do and how you make daily decisions.
74. Host an ice cream social for students that meet certain goals.

The list will grow as our experiences and our connections grow. Feel free to reach out to any of the Tribe members listed below to learn more about the power of our team and how our tribe constantly supports each other in our teaching, leading and learning.

Compelled Tribe Contributors:

Jennifer Hogan, The Compelled Educator  @Jennifer_Hogan

Jonathon Wennstrom, Spark of Learning  @jon_wennstrom

Craig Vroom, Fueling Education, @Vroom6

Allyson Apsey, Serendipity in Education, @allysonapsey

Sandy King Inspiring The Light @sandeeteach

Gary Kidd Reflections and Rants from the Asst Principal, @hinotewailer

Jacie Maslyk   http://jaciemaslyk.blogspot.com/    @DrJacieMaslyk

Jodie Pierpoint  Journey In Learning @jodiepierpoint  

Jim Cordery   Mr. Cordery’s Blog  @jcordery

Allie Bond   The Positive Teacher @Abond013

Angie Murphy ConnectED to Learning @RoyalMurph_RRMS

Karen Wood https://karenwoodedu.wordpress.com/ @karenwoodedu

Lindsey Bohler lindseybohler.com @Lindsey_Bohler

Starr Sackstein http://blogs.edweek.org/teachers/work_in_progress/ @MsSackstein

Debbie Campbell The Curious Educator @DebraLCamp

Michael McDonough M Squared at the Microphone @m_squaredBHS

Barbara Kurtz bkurtzteachermentor.blogspot.com @BJKURTZ

Stephanie Jacobs www.thisblogiswhy.blogspot.com @MsClassNSession

Michael Todd Clinton Motivated teacher blog  @MotivatedThe

Cathy Jacobs https://cathyjacobs.org/ @cathyjacobs5

Reed Gillespie Mr. Gillespie’s Office @rggillespie

Molly Babcock Sweet Tea and a Live Oak Tree @MollyBabcock

Lisa Meade Reflections @LisaMeade23

The Lesson of Silence

It has been a while. There were days in which I asked myself if I was ready to return. There were moments that I wondered if there was anything worth sharing. Was there going to be value, growth and purpose to the words I would put on blank pages? Writing had been put on hold. I had lost my drive to grow through written reflection.

And in this moment I realized something as profound as any moment in my career. The reality was that I had not in fact lost my drive, rather I was seeking to grow. And for me, that meant I needed to listen, more.

We are each consumed with our work and our passion for teaching and leading. Days are full of supporting those we spend countless hours with. Time passes by as we give ourselves to our community of learners. Our actions consume us as we constantly strive to improve all that we do. 

In an unsuspecting moment, through the guidance of others, I was reminded of the need to come back to center, to listen more and to grow in this leadership journey. 

Through this lesson of silence there was a revelation that I did not expect to come face-to-face with. This silence reconnected to me the drive that I had either suppressed or become distant with. The silence became powerful. I began to feel more grounded than I had in quite some time. I found myself recommitted to my tribe both near and far. The journey of teaching and leading and the purpose of both gained depth. Relationships around me strengthened.

In the silence I grew. This unplanned, unimagined silence has inspired me to come back to the pages that have been blank for far to long. Reflection is essential. Sometimes it is sharing our journey and other times it is simply listening to the silence that is around us.

And with that, the silence subsides. Slowly. Intentionally. Purposefully.

Push - It Makes Us All Better

Moved by progress. Inspired by frustration. Apprehensive by misunderstanding. The time to push in teaching, leading and learning is now. There is no time like the present to re-shape education.

As educational leaders (classroom teachers to building administration to district personnel) we are surrounded by colleagues that fully grasp the need to move the pendulum in eduction in a direction that enhances and excites the school experience for all stakeholders. And for so many of us we need to PUSH. Even when it is uncomfortable.

Reading the various One Word posts for 2017, I am intrigued by what you have selected as your word. As I am reading I am drawn to your "why". For me it is this that means the most in my search for my word. For it is our WHY that is so important for the year ahead. Like you, when I commit to this notion of selecting a word that will guide me in my daily life both personally and professionally, I could not take on the task lightly.

Therefore, the time is now. There needs to be a PUSH in the work that we do.

PUSH for innovation in instruction. Demand that instructional best practices are in place in the teaching and learning of and for students. It makes us better.

PUSH for your own professional growth. Ensure that you are growing at the same rate that we ask our students to grow. We must keep pace with the changes occurring in our profession. It makes us better.

PUSH for opportunities for students in their school experience. Beyond the academics we need to extend the school day and provide enrichment opportunities for students within our schools. It makes us better.

PUSH for a positive climate in our buildings that reflects our vision. Whether modeling expectations of colleagues or protecting a safe and caring environment for students, the climate is at the core of how schools function. Do all that you can to ensure a positive climate. It makes us better.

PUSH for the attributes of a positive culture. PUSH out negativity. Engage in crucial and critical conversations with all stakeholders. Model what is the expected behavior. Build Trust. It makes us better.

PUSH the boundaries of the work that you do and the work of others. Do not settle for anything else. It makes us better.

PUSH (and pull) others to embed best practices in teaching and learning. It makes us better.

When we push each other in an attempt to grow, there is no denying we will be better. We will be a better teachers, administrators and in the end, a better organization.

Thank you, Rich Czyz, for the inspiration and for helping me select my One Word for 2017. Even though we are each seeking our own powerful and personal word to guide us through our year ahead, it is the power of the PLN that helps us grow as leaders and learners. Thanks for the push, Rich. Here is Rich's post on "Push".

Looking Back on 2016. The Journey to Elite.

This past year has been quite the journey in teaching and learning. There have been ultimate highs and forgettable (yet teachable) lows. The most euphoric moments have been affirming to the great things happening with the teachers, students and community in which I serve. The dips I have faced, some more recent than others, have been a reminder of the amazing growth that awaits me. One of the qualities I strive to maintain is that I am teachable. You each coach me up. We serve each other on a journey to elite.

And with another year coming to an end, part of the process is to take a look back at where we have been. Reflection is essential. The method and platform in which we do is personal. Some engage in conversation while others take to the keyboard and write.

Personally and professionally this year has provided me with once-in-a-lifetime experiences that will not be soon forgotten. With great excitement, some moments and experiences in 2016 will be welcomed back in 2017 via the "red carpet". These moments are the ones that define us and help us grow in our depth of our leadership as teachers and administrators. The moments that will not return, the good and the bad, are what refine us. Those moments are equally as important in our growth.

Here is a look back at 2016 via the posts that I have shared. Not every high is reflected nor is each of the lows. What I have shared are the moments in which I was inspired to write. Here is looking forward to another year of growth in 2017. I hope you join me, and the #CompelledTribe, on the journey we are all on.

• Let's Finish where it started in 2016. I am ecstatic to report that the goals that were established in this post one year ago have been met with fierce intentional passion. Our culture defines us. It is what makes us relentless in our pursuit of excellence.

• One of the most read posts of the from 2016 came from a post written in March. The title, So You Want to be a Principal speaks for itself. There was great feedback from what was shared. And, as a principal myself, so much yet to learn.

• An essential element of being a driver of the culture of your school community is the power of being connected. I have written more than one post about my belief in this professional growth but this post in particular this year, Rules of Engagement - Being a Connected Educator, resinated with many of you. This post is worth coming back to time and time again. 

• The most shared post in 2016 was one I least expected. There in lies the lesson itself. When writing A Back-to-School Checklist for Educators (And another post for those aspiring to be an Administrator) there was one thought that kept racing through my mind and that is, "How would I want to remember my year as a learner?" My focus for 2016 was relationships. This post, like so many others over time, continue to come back to the theme of "purpose". Do you know your purpose? I continue to learn mine.

• My most powerful moment of 2016 was months in the making. The staff at Hilliard Weaver Middle School provided a back-to-school experience like never before. Our #1st3Days for students focused on these core essentials in teaching: relationships, passions and identifying who we are as learners and where we were going as  to head on this journey. Not Your Ordinary Start to School gives an overview of this experience we are excited to bring back in 2017!

An just like that 2016 comes to an end. A simple post, What I Have Learned So Far This Year, brings it all together. Relationships, environment, best practices and drive all resonate with each of us as leaders in our classrooms and in our buildings. Continued growth is essential.

Remember, the journey to elite is not done alone. You need the power of a team, you need trust and you need a desire to grow. Passion must be present and the peaks and valleys of your year will only make you better at what you do and how you do it. 2016 is in the past and I am excited for what awaits in 2017 and the learning that will occur.

Pushing Boundaries

  

I have always considered myself a rule-follower. Whether as a teenager under my parent’s roof, a young adult on my own starting a career or to this day in my 23rd year in education, I understand the importance of rules. Rules, as we know, are essential. 

While some rules are needed by society, others have been created by the changes over time. When it comes to education and instructional best practices, how do rules come into play in our profession? The reality is that in the world of teaching and learning, educators are not only consumed by "rules" but they often fall into the trap of "that is how it has always been done". 

Times are changing. Rules, and the way we do business in education, is transforming. We are working our way out of that mindset. We are growing. Innovation is taking hold. The mold is being broken, the lines are being blurred, the rules in education are changing. 

As we reflect on our journey in leading and learning, many of us have found ourselves on both sides of the equation of how rules impact our roles. More and more each day we as teachers and building leaders are acknowledging the importance (and need) of having certain rules but also embracing the importance of blurring the lines of those rules for the sake of student experience, student engagement and teacher growth. In each of those there needs to be creativity, risk-taking and a passion for growth. We must be the change. We must break the conformity in education. Being innovative is essential.

In the leadership role in which I serve, I have been fortunate to work alongside educators that want to push the boundaries of the comfort in their work. Many times it is others, myself included, that do the pushing. We challenge each other, we support each other and in the end, we trust each other in each step along the way. In teaching and learning we need to be thinking about what it is in education that has not evolved and ask tough questions and get uncomfortable. We are here to re-define education for today's student.

We know we don't get better by staying the same. Pushing boundaries brings change and change is welcomed. It is inevitable that change is going to happen. Let us control the direction in which it goes.

And when we are pushing boundaries, let's again make sure that we push with purpose. We need to be intentional. We need to be mindful.

Education is anything but a constant. Our best educators are asking the tough questions, challenging the norms and offering instruction that is anything but traditional. As you think of your leadership in the classroom, in your building or have the amazing opportunity to be in front of an entire community, promise yourself that you will push the boundaries of education. We all will benefit from this.

Beyond the Game - Lessons in Winning and Losing

My youngest son turns seven tomorrow. Nothing melts my heart more than watching and listening to him read at the kitchen table. It is a powerful and moving moment in his development. Tonight is a little different though. Tonight I was provided with a rather simple, yet significant reminder of the importance of both tears and laughter in the process of learning. Let me explain.

Just moments before he was reading in the kitchen, he and I had taken up a heated game of Madden on the gaming system. (Keep in mind I am by no means a "gamer" as I leave that up to the older kids. Yes, I have those also.) Also worth noting is that my youngest picks up on the older siblings talents, traits and their habits almost to a fault. We will leave that to be for now.

To my surprise I quickly found myself in a position to "win" the game with only a minute on the clock. A couple of throws down the sideline, a quick run up the middle and the taste of sweet victory would be mine. I could sense the "W".

Here is where the simplicity gets not-so-simple. I was faced with a decision that any parent has experienced as they raise their young children. And for most of us it is one of the toughest decisions.

Simply: Do I let him win the game?

My decision, and one that came at the expense of learning the hard way with my almost 16 year-old, was answered with one quick pass down the field. And just like that the clock struck "zeros". The tears came almost instantaneously. Not mine of course. Rather his. My response in this moment would be the most important lesson of the night. I could either coach him up (as parents this is what we do) or simply walk away knowing he would eventually pull it together. For me, I chose something somewhat right down the middle. This would become a lesson in winning and losing.

Rowan and I agreed that winning is by far the greater (and more enjoyable) feeling of the two. However, we also talked about losing and that there are some much needed lessons with that as well. What happened over those next few moments was the most important teaching of all. Once the tears had subsided and we had processed how things played out, he soon realized, even at his young age, that there are significant lessons on both sides of the ball. We talked about sportsmanship, being a good competitor and above all else, having a relentless pursuit of working toward success. For him that meant "not quitting".

Hopefully the next time my child is faced with winning versus losing he handles it with his head held a little higher than the time before. He has room to grow and it won't come easy and not overnight. He has years of successes and failures ahead of him. And for that reason alone, we have to let them fail. Remember, if you give it everything you have, you try your best and you play fairly and positively, losing can posses some amazing moments in learning even more than winning itself.

Unity. A Choice.

As part of The Compelled Tribe, we set a challenge this week to our group to write about Unity. We asked the tribe to share through their lens what this looks like and feels like. This is my reflection this week of unity.

It is Monday morning. You walk the halls of your building. You peer into classrooms. You listen to teachers starting their day. You watch as students arrive to school.

Kids are hustling to begin the daily routine. Pencils are sharpened, devices in hand. Teachers are settling in. The smell of coffee consumes the first period classroom.

Smiles come from each corner of the room. Sharing of weekend adventures are spoken across the table, the halls. Laughter is felt, laughter is heard. Chairs shuffle, book bags open.

You are reminded of the great things that happen in your school. This is a space in which teachers can teach and students can learn. Parents are at ease because their children have entered an environment of trust and care. There is warmth. There is comfort.

You are unified. You are one. Pieces move seamlessly. Even though not always perfect, there is direction. There is focus. There is purpose. Your culture speaks loudly.

The day ends. You turn away from your school. Your lens shifts to the world outside of your four walls. Reality sets in. Hurt replaces joy. You sense division, frustration and pain.

Unity needs to prevail.

Even though there is an undeniable divide in the world around us, we need to model the power of coming together. We need to move as one.

I, like so many of you, chose unity. I chose to come together and be a part of the solution, to move forward, to learn and to grow. As leaders and learners we are reminded of the power of unity as we peer into our classrooms within our schools. Let that be the lens of the direction we are headed.

Let us be whole again.